Healing is hard to do.

Been praying to the lord ALOT lately. Just about everyday. Asking for guidance, healing and acceptance. And to be able to forgive even when it seems almost impossible to do.

I think the Lord was a little surprised to hear from me and made me go to sleep be cause in the middle of my prayer i fell asleep and woke the next morning and knew exactly where i had left off! I know i was rambling so maybe he thought i just needed a little rest and sent me to sleep. (lol)

And yes i have been praying for the ex.

I asked the Lord to keep him safe and help him figure out his life.

Help him conquer his personal demons before they got the better of him.

And if possible, help us find our way back. Crazy huh? But if that's not possible let him find someone that will care as much as i did (do) and be willing to move heaven and earth for him.

My mom said with forgiveness comes clarity and much blessings unto me. But i don't want the blessings to just be for me--i want them for him too.

I know that i should be taking this time to maybe better myself and start to move on with my life. And i will. I haven't cried in 2 whopping days but it feels good to know that i'm normal and this will take time. My friends are the best that the world can offer. They have put their lives aside for a short time to be occupied with my cries and i thank them for that. Gotta love the friends!!

So for the holiday i am driving to florida to visit my best friend while my kids are in another state. Kinda scared because i'll be driving alone but i'm so pumped. I need a little R and R. My best friend lives there and has no family coming in for turkey day so for the next week i will be her surrogate family.

And people when we get together there is no stopping us! I'm talking about 2 crazy girls who will talk on the phone AND im each other at the same time! If the feds ever had to listen to our conversations, i swear they would die from laughter because we laugh and talk about the craziest shit eva! That's when you know you got friends!

We deserve our own reality show and i guarantee you it would be a hit! The hills and I love new york ain't got nothing on us!!

So Hollywood if you hear me, hollaback!!